I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
