I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
