Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
