im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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