weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
