god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
