I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
