So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize