is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
