New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
