hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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