I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
