My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
