So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
