And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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