My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
