Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
