I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
