You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
