I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
