Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
