Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
