did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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