I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
