I want to make a zoo with you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
