if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
