Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize