Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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