I hate all girls vehemently.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
