What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
