Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
