JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
