sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
