I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
