i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize