every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
