Banned from zoo.
Again?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
