omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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