SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
