if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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