His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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