As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
