omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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