went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
