just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
