I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
