ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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