So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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