I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just want nice things and good sex
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
