so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
