Quick, to the slutcave!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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