We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
