I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
