it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
