They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize