Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
