Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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