Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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