We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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