I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
