Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
