Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
